| 31 March 2009
And once more, bored out of our collective brain (I think we have 1 between the 3 of us!), we deliver an allegorical look at the NBA Power Rankings. Fame, fortune... NBA. Famous people as critiques of teams! Thanks Usher & 46.
With Malice's Pawaa Rannkingu
1. Cleveland Cavaliers (2) - Barrack Obama: promising the world, and looking good... but can you deliver?
2. LA Lakers (1) - Brad Pitt: you live in Hollywood, make movies and you wake up next to Angelina Jolie every morning. Anything else?
3. Orlando Magic (4) - Simon Cowell: one helluva nasty guy who's making millions beating up on people in America.
4. Boston Celtics (3) - Roger Federer: not too long ago, you were unbeatable and everyone just bowed down in your presence. How quickly times have changed. You're still very good... but it seems others have caught up.
5. Denver Nuggets (10) - Bruce Willis: a once funny man who got tough.6. Utah Jazz (5) - Dorothy from Wizard of Oz: There is no place like home.
7. San Antonio Spurs (6) - Hugh Hefner: sure you're as old as Moses himself, but you still see plenty of action - and everyone in the league is envious of your 'conquests'.
8. Houston Rockets (8) - Steve-O & Chris Pontius: funny as hell, and sometimes good... but always end up getting hurt. Which of itself is funny.
9. Portland Trail Blazers (7) - Janet Jackson: talent in abundance, but can get nasty! Every now and then, there's the odd 'malfunction'.10. Dallas Mavericks (11) - Pamela Anderson: has got 2 things going for her... but those two are starting to get pretty old and haggard now.
11. New Orleans Hornets (9) - Pepe Le Pieu: suave and smooth, but something smells funny.
12. Atlanta Hawks (13) - Paris Hilton: famous for not doing much at all.
13. Philadelphia 76ers (14) - Nicole Kidman: phenomenal, then married the wrong guy.
14. Phoenix Suns (16) - Britney Spears: went crazy for a while, but has had a resurgence recently…It is probably too late though...
15. Chicago Bulls (17) - Eddie Murphy: you were popular years ago, but it's time to move on.
16. Miami Heat (12) - Robinson Crusoe. One guy working hard all by his lonesome.
17. Detroit Pistons (15) - Jim Carrey: the longer he goes on, the harder it is to remember just how good he use to be...
18. Charlotte Bobcats (18) - The Birmingham Barons: flirting with Michael Jordan.
19. Golden State Warriors (21) - Michael Jackson: where did it all go wrong Michael? Oh yeah, too many kids around.
20. Toronto Raptors (25) - Hayden Christensen: at one point in time, there were big expectations of this Canadian. Now, a lil' further on, we know that... well... he's just a hack.
21. Indiana Pacers (22) - Joaquin Phoenix: there was a time when you were awesome, but now you're just getting flat-out weird.
22. Milwaukee Bucks (23) - Mick "Crocodile" Dundee - a battler who does pretty well with limited opportunities.23. Oklahoma City Thunder (19) - Seth Rogan: you laugh at him even if you’re not meant to.
24. New Jersey Nets (20) - Dr Evil: "Why must I be surrounded by fricken idiots?"
25. New York Knicks (24) - Robert Downey Jr.: Looking not too bad at the moment, and future's looking pretty good. But sooner or later, you're going to screw up again. It's genetic.
26. Memphis Grizzlies (26) - Miley Cyrus: young, talented, got potential to be great... but too f*cking erratic!
27. Washington Wizards (27) - Star Wars Kid: Just avert you eyes, it isnt pretty.
28. LA Clippers (28) - Luke Wilson: still hanging around in Hollywood, but big brother Owen's the only reason you still have any fame.
29. Minnesota Timberwolves (29) - Linda Lovelace: just sucks.
30. Sacramento Kings (30) - River Phoenix: once you were damn good, and showed amazing promise. Now? Well... you're just dead.
